Merging

Merging on or off a freeway is apparently a complicated thing. I can only assume that because I see people struggle with it most days as I commute to and from work. Why is it complicated? I have no friggin' idea because anyone who's laced a shoe or braided hair knows that the best way to weave two things together is to follow a very simple A-B-A-B pattern. Car left, car right, car left, car right. But no--I see slammed brakes, swerving, and insistent blinkers all over the place. What could possibly be the problem? Maybe people have downshifted from autopilot into lobotomy. Or maybe they have been playing Angry Birds too much and are thinking they will be able to slingshot themselves through traffic. Or maybe they're just trying to squeeze one car ahead because that will save so much time! I don't really know, but creating fun scenarios to explain the complete lack of efficiency during freeway merges keeps me from losing it and shouting "A B A B" as I inch forward in traffic.

Anywayz

Anyways is not a word. Anyway is a word. It does not have a friend, it is not a twin, there are not a bunch of anyway hanging out. Not only do people pluralize the poor word by adding an "s," but it invariably ends up sounding like a "z." It's like the hissing of a snake as someone makes a lazy verbal transition from a topic. For example: "And then I finally had it and told her I'd hang my clothes on wire hangers if I wanted to. (SIGH) Anywayzzzzsssss, what's up with your family?"

Tinker Bell

Why does everyone like Tinker Bell so much? I get that she's tiny and blonde. And it's pretty cool that she can fly. But she's moody as hell and communicates by squeaking. Plus, she literally can't live without the applause of others. How did a mute diva ever one-up Mulan?