All Natural

A few months ago we had a healthy eating presentation at my company. I happen to work in an office overrun with active, nutrition-conscious people, so it was a well-attended session. I personally prefer to exist on candy and burritos, but I was in one of my guilty “I’ve got to take better care of myself” phases and was ready to expand my horizons.

The session was led by a woman who was some type of high-level representative for Henry’s (now called Sprouts) Farmers Market, a small grocery store chain that tends to source fresh organic food. Let’s call her Deb. Deb was in her mid-40s, attractive and happened to be sporting two very large, very fake breasts. As she launched into her presentation, I began looking around the room to see if anyone else shared my incredulousness. How can someone who’s passionately emphasizing the importance of only putting natural, organic things in your body not see the hypocrisy of waltzing around with a pair of silicone implants? Unfortunately everyone in the audience was listening attentively, unaware or unconcerned, and I was left to twist in the wind of righteousness alone. 

As is often (and annoyingly) pointed out to me, just because a person is being hypocritical does not invalidate their argument or point of view. That is true and I admit hypocrisy is one of my “trigger issues” that I tend to react strongly to. And it’s also true that this is Southern California and fake boobs are more common than grains of sand around here. But I just couldn’t do it—I couldn’t ignore the irony of the situation and pepper Deb with questions about “how agave can be used as a sugar substitute” or “how quinoa can be cooked with coconut oil” like the rest of the audience. It was the principle of the matter and unless her DD bra was filled with wheat grass, I wasn’t buying what she was selling. So now I can blame the boundless hypocrisy of a Pamela Anderson acolyte for turning me away from the light of healthy eating and back to the dark side of Hostess cupcakes. I'll leave you with one of her best quotes:

“The general rule of thumb is that the closer to the earth, the more natural something is, the better it is for you.”
--Deb, Sprouts employee, total hypocrite