It’s dark on a well-groomed street. The camera zooms in on the window of a large house. Lightning cracks and a woman looking out the window jumps in terror and rushes into her man’s arms, careful not to snag her cashmere sweater on his Rolex. They are both in in their mid-30s, attractive and ethnically ambiguous (White? Hispanic? Mulatto? It’s impossible to tell…but we do feel like we know them!). Her boyfriend hugs her and reaches into the pocket of his pleated slacks, bringing out a velvet box. She forgets the big scary storm and looks shocked, opening the box to something incredibly sparkly. She smiles so bright that you think you can see Vaseline on her teeth as her boyfriend utters something completely ridiculous like “You never have to be scared again.” Is this an Off Off Off Broadway play or straight-to-DVD chick flick? No. This is an actual commercial for Jared Jewelers. One of the many poorly scripted and downright embarrassing commercials that beat us senseless from November to February each year.
