Travel Pet Peeves

I love to travel. I know that sounds trite and it’s the top hobby on every eHarmony profile in existence, but it’s true. I should qualify that statement though – I love experiencing new places but I hate airports and planes. They’re miserable. Some of my biggest pet peeves in life happen in transit and I’m going to use this post as a soapbox to vent about them.

If you happen to do any of these things, please slap yourself in the face or kindly confine yourself to the four walls of your home:

Loud Talking. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the person wandering aimlessly in the airport shouting on his phone about a life-and-death situation at the budget meeting. Or the person sprawled out in the waiting area whining to her BFF about how “like you can’t like even believe she would like do that to you!” And most especially, don’t be the person who gets louder on his cell phone so he can be heard over the flight attendants announcing that all portable electronics should be shut off. Especially when you are on the actual plane, exercise diligent volume control. You are sitting in an enclosed oval vacuum – guess what, sound carries. Remember when your mom said to use your inside voice? Well do that and then lower it another octave.  You don’t need to whisper, but do NOT go above a murmur. The vast majority of people around you don’t care what you think or do, so do everyone a favor and drop it down to a notch.

Traffic Blocking. Without fail, people will come to a dead stop in spots that are guaranteed to block foot traffic. They stop at the bottoms of escalators, at the tops of stairs, just off the jetway, and in the doorways of bathrooms. It is incredibly frustrating that they are so oblivious, and I’m usually forced to clip them with my baggage. It shouldn’t be complicated. When deplaning or trying to find a gate, MOVE TO THE SIDE. People know better than to come to a stop in the middle of a freeway or a bike lane, so why is it ok when hoofing it? It’s not OK - it’s never a good idea to pull up to a stop in the middle of traffic.

Baggage Dragging. These people literally can’t deal with their baggage. They struggle to wheel it through traffic. They are not strong enough to lift or maneuver it. (This goes for both carry-on and checked luggage, for both adults and kids.) I once traveled to New Zealand with a friend who was a baggage dragger, much to my dismay. At a statuesque 5’1”, she brought a wheelie bag that was nearly two-thirds her height when stood on end.  And big surprise - she couldn’t lift it into the car trunk or get it up and down stairs. Big surprise #2, I became her pack mule. Hence my very firm travel rule of “if you can’t carry it, don’t bring it.” I’m not saying you should be able to carry your bag Pietà-style on foot across Europe, but I am saying you should be able to carry it up a flight of stairs or put it in the overhead compartment without threat of a concussion if it slips. Pack light, people.

Bobbing and Weaving. These are the people who don’t walk, they swerve. They meander from side to side, just killing time or looking around for the closest Starbucks. They walk just fast enough that you’d have to hit a light jog to pass them, but every time you try, they swerve right back in front of you and you’re left breathing into the back of their hair. Nine times out of ten, they are headed to the exact place you are and it’s guaranteed you’ll be stuck in line behind them. People at DUI checkpoints do a better job walking a straight line than people in airports.

Security Line Cluster F***ing. This is definitely the most frustrating part of traveling and I know I’m not alone on this. I pride myself on being extremely efficient when I move through security, but apparently most people don’t have the same high personal standards. There is always someone who is shocked and/or angry about the violation of having to have to take off his belt and shoes. And how many times does security have to repeat that you can’t have anything in your pockets? Or liquids over a certain size? People stand in line for 30+ minutes and still can't get it right when they get up to the scanner. They pull out four dollars in pennies from their pockets, or they can’t find their IDs, or they argue that their Costco-sized shampoo made it through security on their first flight. These rules have been in place for over 10 long years and let’s face it, airport security has dumbed down the process as much as possible. It shouldn’t be this hard to get through a line.

The moral of the story is that traveling forces you to share space with a bunch of randoms, so don’t turn your brain off. Be aware of people around you and try to be considerate. Otherwise, you can’t blame a person if she clips you with her rollerbag.