5 Best Reasons to Become a Minister

Recently I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church (ULC). The rigorous certification process involved typing my name and email, and then clicking the mouse twice. Shazaam - I now have lifetime authorization to preside over weddings, baptisms, and funerals. I couldn't be happier to join this elite group of millions.

I think being a woman of the cloth suits me. I had the honor of marrying one of my closest friends and it was truly a special moment. Not only does being a minister allow me to be an integral part of these important ceremonies, but there are also a few underlying perks that really ice the cake.


The 5 Best Reasons to Become a Minister

1. You get out of being a bridesmaid.  It's weird to choose 3 to 8 of your favorite friends and then dress them up in head-to-toe matching outfits so they can stand in a line behind you. I've been a bridesmaid six times, and I don't particularly like it. The expensive dress you'll never wear again, the uncomfortable stroll down the aisle, the awkward conversations with the strange groomsman you've been paired with...you get the idea. And I just feel useless. The maid of honor is the bride's wingman - she holds the bride's bouquet, gives a speech, and signs the marriage certificate. She has practical functions whereas the other bridesmaids don't - they just act as living bookends for photo ops. I need more of a purpose.

2. You are master of ceremonies. When you ask people to stand or be seated, they actually listen to you. Your words of "I now pronounce you..." make the marriage official. You don't mess up the names of the bride and groom, because you actually know them. You are ringmaster, keynote and Yoda, all rolled into one. Yes, the pressure to be perfect can be intense, but the good news is you can simply pop a Xanax to pull yourself together. I certainly did and it worked like a dream.

3. You can drop the religion card.  Being a minister means you can legitimately ask people to stop cursing in your presence. You will also look very important when wearing black (which happens to be my favorite color). Plus, when you start pontificating about the meaning of life, your words will carry more weight. I literally own a card verifying my religious rank and whip it out when necessary.

4. You have the best seat in the house. As minister, you're right in the action. You don't have to struggle to see over the heads of random relatives or strain to hear the vows as babies cry around you. You're closest to the grandparents (I love the elderly and they love me...see Pat West) and you can see every flicker of emotion on the bride and groom's face. It's wedding in 3D.

5. You can authoritatively join discussions on the interwebs. For example, ULC's blog features hot topics like "Discovering Alien Life May Be Good for ULC Ministers" and  "The Power of Water." Weighing in on these discussions, referencing my experience as an officiant for one wedding, is fun and validating to my entire existence. 

There are many more reasons to become a minister, but hopefully these top five have convinced you. The ULC welcomes all, so don't be shy: http://www.themonastery.org/