Stunted Conversations with Endurance Sporters (Guest Blog)

Ted E. Tavern is a Bostonian in his mid-20s who recently moved to San Diego. His blogs detail his experiences getting acquainted with the Southern California culture.

I feel you Kenny Powers. Can’t say the same about the people I work with, though. I’m convinced that if one of my endurance-sport-loving colleagues had one day left to live, here’s how they’d want it to play out:

Why Cat Shows Are Awesome

Every January, a fairground in my city hosts the Cat Fanciers Food & Water Bowl. When I stumbled across this event a few years ago, I instantly knew it would be a good idea to attend. I love the movie Best In Show and figured this is one cultural event that was not to be missed. I was right.

Here are the top five reasons cat shows are unbelievably awesome:

5 Types of Facebook Posts That Really Annoy Me

1. The cryptic post. Otherwise known as “vaguebooking”– the overly dramatic and incredibly annoying post hinting at some type of emotional Armageddon that is a blatant bid for attention (aka comments). It’s sometimes followed by a cheesy quote that was ripped from the headlines of a Hallmark store.

Some of my recent favorites from people who immediately earned an unfriend from me include:

Pro Sports Cheerleaders

I really don’t like pro sports cheerleaders, and it’s not for the reason you’re thinking. For the time being, we’ll set aside the obvious black eye these women give to feminism when they aspire to literally be on the sidelines and only act as support for the people who are getting all the fame, money and glory. I’ll leave that rant for a better person. The reason I don’t like pro cheerleaders is they’re too vanilla, too middle of the road. What I mean is that they aren’t really good at anything—they don’t have the athleticism of their collegiate counterparts and they don’t show enough skin to truly be eye candy.

Holiday Commercials

It’s dark on a well-groomed street. The camera zooms in on the window of a large house. Lightning cracks and a woman looking out the window jumps in terror and rushes into her man’s arms, careful not to snag her cashmere sweater on his Rolex. They are both in in their mid-30s, attractive and ethnically ambiguous (White? Hispanic? Mulatto? It’s impossible to tell…but we do feel like we know them!). Her boyfriend hugs her and reaches into the pocket of his pleated slacks, bringing out a velvet box. She forgets the big scary storm and looks shocked, opening the box to something incredibly sparkly. She smiles so bright that you think you can see Vaseline on her teeth as her boyfriend utters something completely ridiculous like “You never have to be scared again.” Is this an Off Off Off Broadway play or straight-to-DVD chick flick? No. This is an actual commercial for Jared Jewelers. One of the many poorly scripted and downright embarrassing commercials that beat us senseless from November to February each year.

Pat West

I met Ms. Pat West in Vons grocery store on a cold night awhile back. To give some background on my mental state, I hate grocery shopping; in fact, I wish I could just be done with the bother of food and get fed through an IV. On this particular night, I was in full-blown whine mode and escalating towards an adult tantrum while my boyfriend pushed me around in the cart and patiently ignored me.

Down the home supplies aisle, I noticed an elderly lady patting her coat pockets and looking on the shelves for something.

All Natural

A few months ago we had a healthy eating presentation at my company. I happen to work in an office overrun with active, nutrition-conscious people, so it was a well-attended session. I personally prefer to exist on candy and burritos, but I was in one of my guilty “I’ve got to take better care of myself” phases and was ready to expand my horizons.