Pro Sports Cheerleaders

I really don’t like pro sports cheerleaders, and it’s not for the reason you’re thinking. For the time being, we’ll set aside the obvious black eye these women give to feminism when they aspire to literally be on the sidelines and only act as support for the people who are getting all the fame, money and glory. I’ll leave that rant for a better person. The reason I don’t like pro cheerleaders is they’re too vanilla, too middle of the road. What I mean is that they aren’t really good at anything—they don’t have the athleticism of their collegiate counterparts and they don’t show enough skin to truly be eye candy.


For example, in college you see the cheerleaders flipping, cartwheeling and being catapulted sky high—there are definite gymnastic elements to their routines. Not to mention, they actually lead the crowd in cheers. Or, many colleges have dance teams that put together some impressive hip hop routines for games. Pro cheerleaders have none of these skills. They bounce around with moves that seem to have been choreographed by the Wiggles, with the sole purpose of maximizing glimpses of cleavage and camel toe. There are one or two girls who fire off a few backflips to end the routine, but there are really no athletic or rhythmic skills on display and there certainly aren’t any cheers being led.

Ok, so we can confidently say that pro cheerleaders aren’t there to show us impressive dance or gymnastic moves. So that means they are strictly eye candy, right? Then show me more skin! The standard outfit features boobs, abs and go-go boots. It’s lukewarm at best—if your job is to be a sideshow attraction, then lets see pasties and spangled thongs. Channel the Vegas show girls or the Lingerie Bowl "competitors." (And tell all the righteous parents out there to rip the Grand Theft Auto game out of their kids’ hands and quit letting them watch Lady Gaga videos if they want to complain about any offense to “family values.”) Let’s give the fans what they really want and parade these girls around half naked.

Ultimately the cheerleaders in pro sports disappoint me. If they would just dedicate themselves to one focus—skin or skill—I think we’d all be a lot happier (and I’m pretty sure the NFL, NBA, etc., could boost ticket sales).